Chapter 10: Looking in the Mirror

I stood looking in the mirror realizing that I couldn't tell I had lost.  I still looked just as fat as before.  How could people tell?  I was still fat.  Fat people all look the same.  It's all fat.  I couldn't see it.  Finally after about a week of saying, "I can't tell.  I don't see it." I decided to take a picture of myself then I compared it to a picture my mom had of me at Christmas. 

It was hideous.

I looked so fat.  My cheeks were fat, my face was fat, my stomach was fat, my legs were fat, my neck was fat.  Everything was fat.  Now don't get me wrong, I'm still fat.  I'm still overweight, but I didn't look anything like that person in the picture.  I almost broke down again looking at it.  I asked if I could keep the picture.  My mom said yes and I placed it in my planner.  I wanted to keep it as motivation.

I looked at the picture all the time.  I couldn't believe I had let myself get so fat.  I was so angry with myself.  Now I was going through the pain of working out and pushing myself to my limits because I didn't care about my body these past 18 years. 

This was a change.  This was no longer a game of "Workout and Diet"...this was serious.  I will lose weight.  I had no other option.  It was either lose weight or die as a fat person.  I wanted to be healthy.